Jealousy and envy talk and it’s time we listened

I had such a judgment on jealousy and envy even more so, and in my quest to understand our emotions and see their purpose, it’s overdue that I address these competitive emotions.

My struggle with jealousy and envy have included:

1. Being reminded of what I am not achieving by others achieving it, whether it be financial, business or relationship.

2. Having people I care about undermine me because they feel threatened by what I have or have achieved.

3. Concerned about others being valued more than I.

Our insecurity is given a good shake-up when we are confronted with life’s contrast: they have what I don’t.

Can we find an empowering purpose in jealousy and envy? Let’s define these terms first using a Google definition search: envy is when you want what someone else has. Jealousy is when you’re worried someone’s trying to take what you have.If you want your neighbour’s new sports car, you feel envy. If she takes your husband for a ride in it, you feel jealousy.

From these definitions, we can see that we are threatened by the success of others because we assume that there are not enough desirable people and material possessions to go around. We are also threatened by a partner or someone we desire when their interest is in another person. We assume they are likely to be the ideal partner for us and we fear losing them to someone else.

So jealousy is about protecting something you hold precious and envy is about wanting something precious from someone else.

What if you could be jealous over the well-being of someone? In other words, show caring and interest that they are well and believe in themselves?

What about being jealous over your health? To realise that you only get so many chances with making good choices around eating, exercising and not abusing your body so you should be very “guarded” over how it is being treated. What if you were envious about what is possible by what others have achieved and become motivated to make it happen in your life, irrespective of who has it?

I think the issue here is we get jealous and envious of people, success and material things that are available in abundance. Yet we assume they are scarce.

However, when you believe in yourself, you become more attractive. You attract more people to you and that attracts opportunities that lead to success. Material things play a role in that, but more importantly, you are enjoying life because you feel good about yourself on the inside.

Since when is jealousy and envy of people’s success and in relationships attractive? When I was in my late twenties, I ended a relationship abruptly because her jealousy was out of control, embarrassing and disrespectful. She would make a scene in front of my work friends simply because I was dancing with them as a group! I thought to myself, I can’t stay with someone who doesn’t trust me to enjoy the company of friends at a party.

Jealousy and envy talk. So what  are they saying?  

“Hi, we are Jealousy and Envy.  We do not believe we are worthy and capable of attracting great things in our lives without taking it from others and guarding what we have. There is simply not enough in the world to satisfy everyone. So in our desperate state to not be left empty-handed, we are going to invest all of our energy grabbing whatever we can from anyone who has anything we value and we will also make sure no-one can take anything from us.”

We can see that no one wants to associate with highly jealous or envious people, because they are more likely to be distrusting, aggressive, deceiving and selfish. Once again, we can see how emotions drive our intentions into experienced reality! If we don’t believe there is enough, we will act like there is not enough and motivate people to resent us for being so negative, petty, greedy and narrow-minded. They will want to protect themselves and many will accidentally play the same jealousy or envy game.

Reframe jealousy and envy. What if we could be jealous or envious over our empowering principles? You know, the ones that empower us to tap into abundance and have more than we need so we can share with others.

We can choose what is really precious and be jealous over that – because then you are guarding something that deserves your respect and attention.

I have had my fair share of jealous and envious moments. I have thankfully spent more time with the joy of how abundant this life is and a lot less worried about what I haven’t achieved yet. Of course, I still have my moments!

I have also moved on from people I genuinely cared about. I had given them so much and wanted to continue offering my resources and attention, but their envy cast a dark shadow upon the friendship. It made them competitive in such a destructive way, that they would either try to harm my reputation or try to steal some of my ideas.

I have come to appreciate how hard it is to stay connected to the abundance of life. I also have come to respect the free will of those who choose to refuse the invitation to discover the abundance that unfolds when we synergies our skills, knowledge and visions.

Jealousy and envy talk and if you listen, you will undo the destructive nature of both in you and move on from those that are temporarily stuck in it.

One day, they will most likely come back not so green in the face. 😉

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