What is interdependence and why we struggle without it

I am writing this because I wanted my friends to share with me their views but they  expressed they were lost with the idea of differentiating between dependence, independence and interdependence. By being clear on the difference, we can re-imagine how we connect with ourselves and others so we don’t push people away or set ourselves up to be let down by them.

Let’s begin with defining dependance and what it means to be too dependent then going to the other extreme and looking at what it means to be too independent.

Being too dependent on something or someone else to be there for you means we will not function or succeed. If they don’t act, you are rendered stagnant and useless, left to feel powerless and victimised – the person who is meant to rescue you becomes the cruel and selfish one because they should have saved you – are you getting the picture? 🙂

Being too independent can be a response to the trauma of being let down because we were too dependant for too long and it never works out well. This is when we refuse to let others contribute to our success. We feel the need to do it all ourselves and this isolates people from giving value and feeling significant in our lives. It also deprives us of feeling cared for and loved. We may also come across to perfect and relating to perfect people is literally impossible, simply because no one is perfect. Fancy that! lol

You probably have now worked out the relevance and purpose of being interdependent; the magical middle that provides the best of both worlds. This basically means we keep the responsibility for our success and hence maintain the drive to ensure we achieve our goals irrespective of the failings that may occur from circumstances and other people who may over promise and under deliver. We feel we are at the hub of our wheel and we must be the torque that turns it into meaningful motion to enjoy desired outcomes.

However, we maintain the purpose of why we are here; to connect, share, care and be there for each other; love is quite a satisfying elixir to put it mildly! To synergise and from that synergy create abundance as we mix our experiences and skills in a clever complimentary manner. As we collaborate, we achieve so much more and it’s so enriching to share in the journey of achieving things that matter to all of us. To be able to share our vulnerabilities from a place of strength; to invite feedback and to be grateful for whatever wisdom may be shared. To enjoy the difference we make for others in that way and many other ways too.

Interdependence means we can maintain a healthy level of independence and purposeful dependence. It’s like having your cake and eating it too. It’s so nice when someone is there for you when you are sick or stuck. Yes you would have got yourself well again anyway and figured out how to get on with it – but how good does it feel when someone makes you that soup that tastes better than you could have imagined or makes a call that helps you get that overdue win with no effort at all?

Interdependence means you will not achieve your greatest goals and yet feel empty because no one is around anymore because no one felt like they mattered to you enough. So you can share your wealth and freedom with… yourself? Oh what fun that will be for the first month maybe.

Who do you want to be there for you? Those at the end that are impressed with what you achieved and value you because of that or those that embraced your journey and felt like they mattered to you and you mattered to them along the way?

Interdependence deserve to be an everyday goal for all of us. What do you think?

My name is George Helou and I’m the founder of EP7 – Empowered for Purpose in 7 Steps. I am a best selling author, Life and Business Coach, Motivational Speaker, Work Culture Consultant. My latest book is Cinderellas Secrets – The Untold Story of Ella www.onceuponeaview.com
Office is located in Subiaco, WA. 08 9380 8350. www.lifecoachperth.com