I received a question from @huemanxperience on Twitter: the question alludes to how opposing personality traits manage to attract each other – and as always, the answer lies beneath the surface. Subconsciously held core beliefs we gain from our upbringing become the ‘schema’ we use to engage and evaluate ourselves and all relationships. These core beliefs form our paradigm and all events are automatically cros-referenced and judged by them. Therefore if we meet someone who shares our core beliefs, we will like them because they seem to relate to events in the same way we do.

Now when it comes to personality traits, there are polarised ways to reinforce our core beliefs. There are aggressive and passive-aggressive ways of protecting and struggling to cope with their limitations. This sets up the illusion that people are opposites when they simply are choosing different ways to express, defend and rebel against the same core beliefs that either empower or disempower them.

The other dimension to this is the conscious decision to live our ideals. This can set what appears to be a connection to other like-minded people. Consciously agreeing to a set of beliefs or principles may contribute to attraction between people, but it’s the core beliefs that exist at the time that will bond them or drive them apart.

It would take courage and commitment for like-minded people to challenge and evolve their core beliefs so they are aligned with each other with empowering principles that promote respect and a healthy level of autonomy and intimacy.

So what makes people opposite is personality traits of expression, aggressive or passive. Defending and rebelling against the same core beliefs that work or sabotage our peace of mind is the primary driver that attracts us. The other driver is the ideals we are yet to live, but are making conscious decisions wanting our core beliefs to be our ideals rather than some of the existing ones that reduce our self-belief and compassion for self and others.