I have been raised to desire unconditional love and it was not that long ago that it dawned on me that love needs conditions. However, those conditions help love breath, express and strengthen.

So I wrote this poem after witnessing a dear friend struggle with her loyalty to a violent and  abusive partner.

Make Love Conditional

Don’t be seduced by deceptive factions,

That push to negate your trusting actions.

Their words spray like sand into the eyes,

Machine gunning blame to mask the lies.

When your gut twists at the gross contradiction,

Peer deeper to find a desperate cause for fiction.

Tumultuous tension grips their muscles and joints,

No measure of control over their illogical points.

What to do, where to go, when all seems hopeless?

How do you restore balance when feeling helpless?

When chemistry of compassion merges with strength,

Do extend a hand without overextending the length.

Make love conditional on the values you love,

Otherwise there’s no end to the push and the shove.

Love can’t breathe without respecting and sharing,

Is angling for a doormat’s existence truly caring?

Free will unravels mystery in choice; to love or to cut and run.

What character will you shape to greet the morning sun?

Don’t get lost in reciprocating the darkness in hate.

No need to surrender to an archetypal patterned fate.

Make love conditional on the values you revere.

The turnstile will pour in those clear and dear,

And equally churn out those who don’t value,

Who won’t love whilst melded to distorted eyes.

by George Helou

If you want to love someone and they are physically abusing you, do you love yourself? Or is it best to love them with the ‘condition’ of distance because they are struggling and out of control? If someone is not reciprocating your love, do you use distance and time to give them the experience of not having your love so they can hopefully be motivated to change?

I have come to believe that unconditional love is dangerous because it encourages people to abuse what is meant to be a mutually rewarding sacred gift of a union of a friendship or relationship.

What is your take on unconditional love? Can you relate to this major shift in point of view? 

George Helou is the founder of EP7 – Empowered for Purpose in 7 Steps. Life Coach, Work Culture Consultant, Author and Motivational Speaker, George has 15 years personal development experience and is based in his Life Coach Perth Office in Subiaco. 08 9380 8350. www.lifecoachperth.com